My Anti-Motivational Funk

Dark RowHere we are mid-October already, and I’ve not written in since Mabon.

It’s not that I need something to write about. There’s plenty. 

For starters, my week-long vacation to Orlando with one of my very best girlfriends (and visiting with another bestie while we were there) was awesome. There were a few exceptions to the vacations awesome-ness, but over all, it was pretty great. But for some reason, I’m just not in the mood to write about it right now. I’ll get to that post soon, but later. (Hah.)

Then, there’s the developmental meetings and the clinic I’ve been doing with Bug. He’s been doing pretty well recently (almost on his own), but still refuses to use a single word in recognizable English. But I’m not entirely in the mood to write about that right now, either.

There’s the ever-present fact that my eldest son refuses to listen (to me, or his gym class instructor, or his father), and has developed quite the little attitude. Or the fact that I’m trying (and failing) to find a babysitter for my one son while I take the other to his developmental clinic, making that experience exponentially more stressful. But who wants to listen to me kvetch about my preschooler woes?

Of course there’re always interesting and depressing hot topics in the news. But there are plenty of other bloggers writing plenty of things about that stuff, too. 

It’s been more than a week since I got home from vacation, and I still feel like I’m in that after-vacation lull. I’m home, I’m getting back into the usual swing of things around the house. I’m gearing up for another period of being home with the boys without the support or company of my husband (hooray ~.~). 

It’s like an anti-motivational cloud has settled on me. I have no desire to get things done. I am not even in the mood to make new things for dinner (which is usually a fun thing to do for me). 

The kicker is, I think I know (at least part of the reason) why it’s so hard for me to get back. But as it stands, there’s really not much I can do about it. 

My friends and family know I’m a very social person. I enjoy being with friends, whether it’s going out for an evening or just having some coffee here at home with them. 

Since we’ve been here, back on the east coast (where it should have been easier for me to hang out with friends I’ve already got, or so I thought), I’ve made zero new friends. I’ve left the house a minimal number of times, and most of them have revolved around the boys.

I’ve actively tried to start a group meet-up to find like-minded people that might be open to a new friendship or two, but that epically failed, and I’ve been less than motivated to try again. 

Now, half-way through our stay in this area, I’m beginning to lose the point in making any new friends here anyway. Given that in a year-and-a-half, we’ll be leaving again, and I’ll just have to leave those friends behind again, it’s just not looking like a great idea anymore. 

But I NEED socialization. Especially when my husband is gone. There’s nothing like being pent up in a house with no one to talk to but two small children to make you go crazy. We get out (for whatever activity it is that the boys are doing), but there’s not a whole lot of adult socialization happening there, either.

No one seems to want to chat anymore. What’s with that?

I’ve already hashed over the “put the kids in daycare a few hours for a few days a week and take a class” idea. But it’s too expensive. So it’s not happening.

I also am fairly wary of making friends with people that have kids (what a hypocrite, right?). The whole thing is, I want a friend for me, not necessarily for my boys. And I want a friend that will talk about things other than children with me. If I can find a friend that has kids (or is in the military) and that’s not the only thing I have in common with them, that’s great. But when the conversation doesn’t ever get past what the kids do/are doing/have done, I’m sorry, but I’m out. Maybe I’m being too picky at this point. 

At any rate, that’s where I am these days. (Hey at least I wrote this post – that’s something, right?)

How do you motivate yourself when motivation disappears? Any advice for a stay-at-home-mom on making friends in new places? 

4 Responses

  1. Megan Cutler
    | Reply

    I’ve never been that good at making friends so I can’t offer much advice there ^^;; I can offer a few words on motivation, though. Getting myself out of a rut is something I have to do often x.x

    Don’t focus on the negatives. Don’t focus on the things you want but can’t have. Don’t focus on the cause of all your woes. It’s easy to say, it’s terribly difficult to stop thinking about it. I know that.

    Find one thing that makes you happy and make sure you get time to do it either daily or weekly. It sounds like, in your case, it will have to be something you do in the house. Art, music, even just a show you like to watch. Find one thing that will lift your spirits every time you do it and make sure you get time for it, either while the boys are napping or in the evening when they go to bed.

    Focusing on positives helps. It doesn’t solve the problem, but it helps. Remember how happy thing I mentioned above makes you and allow yourself to be happy you got to do it when you do. Remember that there are people (or at least person 😉 you can interact with online when you need adult conversation. It’s not what you want, but it’s better than nothing. Try to find other little things that made you smile and smile again thinking about them.

    Baby steps. Little by little your motivation will improve and as it improves it gets easier to find things, even just little ones, that will make you happy.


    • Rowena
      | Reply

      Thanks, Meg. I appreciate it. And I’ll give it a go. I know you’ve been there, hopefully what helped you helps me, too.


  2. Deven Rue
    | Reply

    Gods, do I know what you mean. We’ve been in Portland for how long now and I’m FINALLY going out next weekend with a possible new friend. Seriously? Moi? I have one other friend here that comes to visit me about once or twice a month. Otherwise, it’s Bre, the cat and my artwork. I admit that my artwork has, of late, kept me extremely busy. I’m trying to build a business and it takes a lot of time and effort to create. But there are times when I’m just walking around the house muttering to myself just so I can have a conversation! Even Bre isn’t much help when she comes home exhausted from work, pops on FB, reads cycling news, then it’s bedtime. Woohoo…. such excitement. Meh. I hope we both find a solution soon. =(

    • Rowena
      | Reply

      I was so glad to meet you Deven, but so pissed that we had like, a month, to get to know each other before we left the west coast (and you and Bre weren’t the only friends I’d made just before we left there). And that’s makes me so less likely to want to make a new friend around here, which is so much less than helpful.

      So yes, I hope we each figure this out soon, too.

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